1. Attractiveness has almost nothing to do with how you look physically, though your natural physical disposition does play a small role. It’s mostly, if not entirely, about how you put yourself together and how you behave.
2. The most basic but overlooked staple of being attractive is smelling good. Playing into the other senses, touch (having soft skin), smell (being clean), taste (use your imagination), is what ultimately makes someone undeniably appealing, and tends to be what people will focus on more than just visual.
3. There is no one universally appealing style. It’s about what cut of clothing and accessory will emphasize the best parts of you and your personality.
4. They always show they’re genuinely glad to meet you. When you feel someone “gets” you, respecting your opinion, your point of view, your experience–whatever you’re communicating–then you naturally feel more important. The other person doesn’t have to agree with you; they just have to show they respect you.
They maintain eye contact. They smile when you smile. They frown when you frown. They nod your head when you nod. In simple, nonverbal ways, they mimic your behavior–not slavishly, but because they’re focused on what you’re saying.
That feedback loop helps two people bond–and the ability to bond is the essence of charm.
5. They sometimes show a little vulnerability. Two Masters of the Business Universe meet for the first time. Instantly, they play an unstated but nonetheless obvious game of “Who’s More Successful?” They work hard to one-up the other. After all, life is about winning, right?
Charming people don’t try to win any unstated competitions with people they meet. In fact, they actively try to lose. They’re complimentary. They’re impressed. They’re even willing to admit a weakness or a failure.
It’s really easy. Say you meet Admiral Trump and he says, “I just closed a fabulous deal to build the world’s best golf course on the most amazing oceanfront property on the planet.” Don’t try to win. Instead say, “That’s awesome. I’m jealous. I’ve wanted to build a small recreation facility for years, but can’t line up the financing. How did you pull off such a huge deal?”
Charming people are confident enough to be unafraid to show a little vulnerability. They know that while some people may be, at least temporarily, impressed by what’s artificial, everyone sincerely likes and appreciates the genuine.
6. They consistently search for agreement instead of contradiction.We’re trained to discuss, to challenge, to advocate for the devil, because exchanging opinions, especially different opinions, is how we separate the wheat from the idea chaff. Automatic agreement doesn’t help.
Unfortunately, going contrary is an easy habit to fall into. It’s easy to automatically look for points of disagreement rather than agreement. It’s easy to automatically take a different side.
And it’s easy to end up in what feels like an argument.
Charming people don’t actively (or unknowingly) look to disagree; they look for points of agreement. Then, if it’s appropriate, they gently share a different point of view–and in that way, help create an outstanding conversation.